The First Year

Today is Bradley and Dylan's first birthday. A year. Wow. It has been amazing. I'm just sitting here thinking about them and our family. Our family is so different now than it was a year ago, in a good way. I think about these two little dudes, they are so sweet, so fun, so bad! I think about Samantha and how she is such a good big sister and how she loves them and wants to teach them things and how big her heart is. I think about Ken and I and how we have this strength to raise three kids, to make two tiny little fragile newborns into sweet little infants.

My mind goes back to a year ago today. Anxiously waiting to hear how sick I was and if we needed to have our boys come into the world, nearly 6 weeks early. How scary it was. How exciting it was. I'm thinking about my classmate who passed away in November during childbirth and how we forget how serious a childbirth is. How I am lucky to hold, love, and get to know my children.

I'm thinking about how Bradley was in NICU for the first couple of weeks. That I cried the day I couldn't get to the hospital to see him. And how he was on the Apnea monitor for two months (oh how I don't miss those alarms). I thank God every second of every day that he is okay now.

I'm thinking about how tiny Dylan was, only 4 pounds 6 ounces at one point. I remember taking him into the pediatrician's office and all the nurses were coming to see the tiny baby with little chicken legs. And laying him next to Samantha's baby doll, they were about the same size.

I cry when I think about Dylan, the miracle that he is. I know he was the second baby. I'm not sure when it happened, when that little embryo split and gave me two. I really don't understand how it happens or why. All I know is that Bradley was so perfect that God wanted me to have another. I'm thinking about my maternity leave. Being alone with the twins and how it got easier when I learned that sometimes they cry, and that is okay. How proud I was when I took them out for the first time on my own, proud of them, proud of me. How they have never been good eaters, only snacking when they were tiny and how they seem to be going down a picky path now.

Scenes from the first year are scrolling through my mind. The middle of the night feedings, the boys squirming on a quilt on the floor, a trip to the zoo, the way they wrestle with each other, D-man's tantrums, their christening, pumpkin picking, folding teeny tiny clothes, how they get into trouble and give me the no-no finger, going to Ocean City and hammering the crabs, how they love to play with the kitchen set, and a trip to see Mickey Mouse.

It was tough, the first year. It tested me in many ways. I had bad days. I got frustrated and tired. I yelled at Samantha when she didn't deserve it. I'm not embarrassed to admit that, it is our truth. But Ken, well he is my rock. He always has been, but this year especially. I often wonder why God chose us to raise twins. I think it is because of Ken. He has so much strength, the way we run this house together, he is amazing. We make a good team. And he is an amazing daddy who has three children that adore him. As hard as the first year was at times, I wouldn't trade it for anything. The way they look at me. The way when I walk into the room they want me. The way they laugh and giggle. The biggest smiles I've ever seen plastered across both their faces. How the only word they said for months was MaMa. Oh, they are so worth it. So, so worth it. I can't wait for each and every day with my three little ones.

To our friends and family. I'll take this opportunity to thank you. So many people have reached out to us to give us support and love. It really made a tough year easier. I've already received so many message and phone calls from friends and family wishing the boys a Happy Birthday today. It means so much to me, more than I can describe. Thank you for thinking of the boys today, for your friendship, your shelter, buying diapers and formula (Cathy and Bob!), and for your prayers. My children are extremely lucky to have all of you in their lives.


So happy first birthday to my boys, Dylan and Bradley. You are two amazing people and I can't wait to watch you grow as we celebrate many more birthdays and live each day at a time, together as a family.

Two little men.
With matching smiles.
Who say cheese when they laugh.
And giggle for miles.
I rock you in the middle of the night.
And play with you all day long.
I am so lucky to have the two of you,
and watch you become so strong.
I wish you sweet dreams and happy memories.
And that you feel the love of so many.
To me you are two miracles my sweet little baby boys.
Happy Birthday!
Love,
Mommy